Hi Reader,
Yesterday, I opened an email from the facilitator of a program I’d just completed. It began with “Just a gentle reminder to fill out the program survey.”
But the reminder didn’t feel very gentle.
To me, it felt almost passive aggressive, and it got me thinking about how often we use phrases like that without really considering how they come across.
You have probably seen them too. Those “gentle reminders” that show up in your inbox, asking you to do something you were already planning to do. The survey was on my to do list, and would be completed way before the deadline.
If gentle reminder emails don’t bother you, feel free to stop reading. But if they do, read on.
Why gentle doesn't work
The truth is, labeling a reminder as gentle doesn’t actually make it that. If anything, it can come across as passive aggressive or even a bit pushy.
We all have enough going on without someone piling on more reminders. And a good project manager doesn’t need to rely on constant nudging. I’ll save all my thoughts on the “Pushy PM” for another article.
Interestingly, I don’t mind gentle reminders when they come from large institutions. They feel automated, expected, easy to skim past. But when the same words come from a real person, the tone can feel insincere or even questioning, making the reminder more irritating than helpful.
Even if the intent is to be friendly, it doesn’t always land that way. Sometimes it even feels like they're questioning whether I can manage my own responsibilities. It can leave me feeling managed or even talked down to. It can also sound like they're apologizing for expecting people to do their job.
So, if “gentle reminder” isn’t the way to go, what works better?
How to actually get a response
Aim for a tone that is clear, professional, and approachable. Be direct, while still sounding supportive and confident. Focus on making it easier for the other person to respond or take action.
You might say things like:
- “Hi I know you’re super busy, but wanted to bump this up in your inbox.”
- “Just a heads up this is coming due soon. Anything you need from me?”
- “Just checking in to see if this is still on your radar.”
- “Wanted to see if this is still of interest to you.”
An effective reminder is simple, genuine, and respectful of everyone’s time.
Thinking back to the survey email I received, an approach such as this would have made all the difference: “Thank you for attending our program last week. We’ve learned so much from you and would appreciate it if you could spare 3 minutes to complete our survey to help us improve.” That would have reminded me to fill it out immediately.
Although, not every “gentle reminder” is meant to be annoying, or perhaps I read too much into it.
But for me, tone matters. So if you want a response when you send me an email, please skip the “gentle reminder”.
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Barbara Kephart, PMP
Founder and Chief Project Officer
Projects Pivot
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