Hi Reader,
I was listening to a stand-up comedy routine by Trevor Noah when something he said resonated with me. His therapist told him he has “an inability to not say what’s in his head” and that “the secret to relationships is knowing when to think and when to speak.”
That landed a little too close to home.
I belong to an artist group that gathers in a shared space to work on our art. Something happened in this community recently that caught my attention. It’s usually a quiet space where people settle into their art work, each focused on their own craft. But not long ago, someone new joined us with a very noisy kind of art, one that some may argue isn’t art at all.
And instead of pausing to get a feel for the room, this artist leaned in… and got louder with their opinions.
They weren’t reading the room. Which, as Trevor’s therapist says, is not good for relationship building.
Now the artists, each in their own way, are backing away from the new person.
Master how to read a room
I wouldn’t exactly call myself a master of reading the room. I’ve had more than my share of moments where thoughts made it past my mouth, before they had any business doing so. I’m sure you’ve had it happen to you too.
Sometimes we just move too fast. A reaction jumps out, and suddenly we’re mid-sentence, wishing we had paused for a second before speaking.
Other times, we’re working with incomplete information. We assume, fill in gaps, or respond to what we think is happening rather than what actually is happening. And once the words are out there, they have a way of staying around indefinitely.
Reading the room isn’t about being perfect or silent, but it’s about being aware. It’s noticing tone, timing, and the unspoken cues that shape a moment. It’s asking yourself: Is this the right time? Is this the right place? Is this even for me to say?
The truth is, most of us are learning this in real time. We speak too soon, misread something someone said, and then (hopefully) adjust. Over time, those small pauses, which are little mini check-ins before we speak, become the difference between reacting, responding or not saying anything.
It’s okay to not always get it right, but instead, it’s getting a little better at knowing when to react, respond, or say nothing at all.
Next steps
The art space drama is still unfolding, and like most spaces that are shared, it will find its own balance. Maybe the new artist will start to notice the rhythm of the room and adjust. Maybe someone will say something. Or maybe the room itself will quietly teach the lesson, the way rooms often do.
That’s the thing about reading the room. It’s not a one-time skill you master and move on from. It’s ongoing. It shifts with every group, every project, every setting, every moment.
Watching this situation unfold, I’m trying to pay more attention now for how I read rooms. Taking that extra beat. Listening a bit longer before jumping in. Not perfectly, but more intentionally.
And as for the art space…I have a feeling there will be more to this story.
Stay tuned.
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Barbara Kephart, PMP
Founder and Chief Project Officer
Projects Pivot
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